


take me by the hand, lead me to the land

by livtontea



Series: call me darling [10]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Banter, General tomfoolery, Husbands, Lowercase, M/M, Minific, No Beta, Tumblr Fic, dirk gently's delightfully absurd tie collection, married life tm, picnic date, they give me brainrot (affectionate)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 17:54:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30059304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livtontea/pseuds/livtontea
Summary: “have you checked the tie drawer?”“who do you take me for, todd?”“did you?”there’s a brief moment of shuffling around, and todd smiles to himself, knowing that dirk is rifling through the tie drawer.
Relationships: Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently
Series: call me darling [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2088981
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	take me by the hand, lead me to the land

**Author's Note:**

> this self-indulgent mushy BULLSHIT can also be found on [tumblr](https://farahblack.tumblr.com/post/645691402322329600/darling-dirk-shouts-from-the-bedroom-have-you) <3
> 
> title is from ocean man by ween because i do what i want

“darling!” dirk shouts from the bedroom, “have you seen my tie?”

todd, who is in the kitchen, cutting the crusts off sandwiches, yells back: “which one?”

“the one with the little lobsters? it has stripes!”

todd cuts the crust off the final sandwich and debates whether he should cut them all into triangle halves as well. “have you checked the tie drawer?”

“who do you take me for, todd?”

“did you?”

there’s a brief moment of shuffling around, and todd smiles to himself, knowing that dirk is rifling through the tie drawer.

“yes! it’s not here!”

“check in the laundry basket,” todd says, and slices a sandwich in half. “the clean one, dirk. if you wear a dirty tie i’m divorcing you.”

“oh, hardy har har,” dirk responds. “you love me too much and you know it.”

todd rolls his eyes, but he’s grinning. “damn right i do,” he says, just loud enough he’s sure dirk hears it. he finishes cutting the sandwiches, and neatly arranges them in the tupperware container he’s set aside.

dirk kisses todd’s cheek when he walks into the kitchen, still adjusting his tie, before jumping up on the counter. todd half-heartedly swats at his thigh; one day he’ll convince his husband that it really _is_ unsanitary to put his ass where they make food, but judging by the smug grin he receives in return, they’re both well aware today is not that day.

today dirk’s jacket is salmon, paired with a crisp white shirt and the pink lobster tie. he has a golden earring dangling from his right ear. todd remembers how dirk begged him to pierce it – _it’s the gay ear, todd, come on_ – and smiles fondly.

“penny for your thoughts?” dirk says. he’s reached behind himself for the picnic basket, nudging it toward todd.

“it’s a beautiful day,” todd remarks, tucking the sandwiches into the basket.

dirk makes a strange face – it’s a bit of a fond smile and a pained frown rolled into one – and says, “my god, you’ve turned into an old man, husband.”

“such is the influence you have on me,” todd says in a terrible british accent, hand pressed to his chest as he swoons, which has dirk letting out a snort-laugh and pushing half-heartedly at his shoulder.

“i can’t believe i put up with you.”

todd offers his hand to dirk, which he takes, hopping down from the counter. “that’s my line.”

dirk presses an obnoxiously loud kiss to todd’s cheek. he grabs the picnic basket and loops their arms together, half-dragging his husband out of the kitchen. on their way out the door, todd stalls to grab his keys from the turtle-shaped key bowl, locking the door behind them. he unloops their elbows and reaches for dirk’s hand, swinging it between them as they make their way down the stairs.

it’s a beautiful day out. in front of their building, todd pulls his husband in by the tie and presses a firm kiss to his mouth; they’re both smiling too hard for it to last long.

**Author's Note:**

> YEAHHHH uh. i've got nothing to say. find me on tumblr @farahblack :)


End file.
